The Journal of Leo Tolstoi (First Volume — 1895–1899) · 76

13. “Alexander I” (December 13, 1897, “Posthumous notes of the monk, Fedor Kuzmich”).

14. “Persianninov” (December 13, 1897).

15. “The story of Petrovich—a man who[397] died a pilgrim” (December 13, 1897, “Korni Vasiliev”).

16. “The legend of the descent of Christ into Hell and the resurrection of Hell” (December 13, 1897, “The resurrection of Hell and its destruction”).

17. “The Forged Coupon” (December 13, 1897, under the same title).

18. “A substituted child” (December 13, 1897).

19. “The drama of the Christian resurrection” (December 13, 1897).

20. “Resurrection—the trial of a prostitute” (December 13, 1897, Resurrection).

21. “An outlaw killing the defenceless” (December 13, 1897).

22. “Mother” (December 13, 1897).

23. “An execution in Odessa” (December 13, 1897, Divine and human).

24. “A bit of fiction, in which would be clearly expressed the flowing quality of man: that he, one and the same man, is now an evil-doer, now an angel, now a wise man, now an idiot, now a strong man, now the most impotent being” (March 21, 1898).

25. “Everything depends, to what one directs one’s consciousness” (November 14, 1898).

26. “On why the people are corrupted” (November 25, 1898).

[398]

Besides the above mentioned literary labours of Tolstoi, his thought life ought to be mentioned which at first found expression in his note-book and from which later he would transcribe those thoughts into his Journal which appeared to him valuable. These thoughts were sometimes, as we say, absolutely accidental, sometimes they were called forth by conversations with various people and sometimes they were the responses to outer events. The greater part of them came in connection with some work on hand or one which he was planning, or were for some inner clarification or spiritual discussion of problems which, above all, agitated and interested him.

Of the thoughts which came in connection with his works on hand from 1896 to 1899, a sufficiently important number can be pointed out as auxiliary thoughts for the thinking over and working out of his “Catechism” (or the “Christian Doctrine”); such were a number of thoughts about faith, Christian doctrine, sin, etc. A great number of thoughts on art appeared in connection with his contemplated work, What Is Art? On the conclusion of this work there are almost no thoughts on art in the Journal. Many thoughts were entered for The Appeal, i.e., for the purpose of including them in the contemplated manuscript but which was never finished in that form. Rarely, thoughts are met in the Journal which are[399] in connection with his work on some literary topic.

Besides the thoughts which appeared in connection with his writings, one meets in the Journal, as was said above, such thoughts which appeared during the period of intense clarification of the various problems of his personal and family life. In connection with the observations which he lived through and experienced, Tolstoi quite often wrote down his own spiritual state, his personal sufferings and the right attitude that he should take towards them.

At one time, he was occupied especially with the problem of the philosophic definition of time and space and he wrote down his thoughts on this theme quite often. At another time, he was interested in the problem of error, of whether the outer world was such as it appeared. Quite often he noted his thoughts on the themes: On God, on the meaning of life, on the difference between the spiritual and the animal life, on reason, on prayer. Quite often, at this time, thoughts came to him about the given work of God, about service to God, about love in general and about love towards enemies in particular.

Besides this, there are scattered in the whole Journal for the four mentioned years, various thoughts on the sex-problem—on falling in love, on women, on marriage—and also quite a number of thoughts on illness, on death, on the unjust life of the rich, on memory and on many other subjects. Sometimes one finds thoughts in the Journal which appear in connection with the books that he was reading; for instance, there are several thoughts[400] called forth by the reading of the philosophic works of Schopenhauer and Spier. The fact that there are few notes in the Journal about the books that had been read or were being read is, of course, no sign that Tolstoi read little. It is sufficient to open his book, What Is Art, to convince oneself as to the enormous amount of books that were read and studied by Tolstoi on the one theme of art alone for this work; nevertheless, there are very few of them mentioned in the Journal.

In due time, when absolutely all Tolstoi’s Journals and letters and all his writings which have not yet appeared will be printed, and also when all the unused material about him, that literary inheritance in all its enormous volume, will be made use of, then it will be possible to carefully study the great process of the growth of Tolstoi’s soul. At the present moment, when a great number of Tolstoi’s writings and the reminiscences about him are not yet published, it is impossible to really penetrate the whole depth and breadth of Tolstoi’s spirit. At present, it is only possible to throw light on the general characteristics of several separate[401] sides of his inner life, in one or several of its periods.

Therefore, this short sketch of Tolstoi’s life at the end of the nineties, which deals not only with his outer but with his inner life, does in no way intend to give an exhaustive exposition of his varied and complicated spiritual states. In the description which is here placed of several features of Tolstoi’s spiritual life, the principal attention is given to that state, which for over three years almost constantly dominated Tolstoi, in connection with one of the most lasting and torturing periods of intense spiritual suffering in the domain of his domestic life. Such periods happened to Tolstoi even before, in the seventies and in the eighties and in the very last years of his life.

Of course, the description of only one feature of Tolstoi’s inner life, cannot be an indication that he had not other kinds of spiritual states, not connected with his home life. The numerous and extensive entries in the Journal testify that Tolstoi often experienced states of high religious exaltation and of intimate spiritual union and fusion with God, as well as states of the earnest seeking of the path towards perfection, flowing from a sharp discontent with himself and a repentance for his errors and weaknesses (quite often the states were called forth by spiritual suffering). In this sketch are emphasised and brought forth the logical connection of at least one most torturing feature of his inner life, which is reflected in disconnected brilliant entries in his Journal—features which show the cross that he bore for the last thirty years of his life. The time has not yet come for a full[402] description of all the sides and conditions of Tolstoi’s life, and therefore the intimate places have been omitted in the present edition of the Journal. In consequence, the reader will not find an exhaustive description in these chapters of the personal life of Tolstoi which is connected with his family relations.

From 1895 to 1899 Tolstoi lived through much spiritual suffering and struggle, and during this time he was ill quite often. If one carefully followed all the entries in the Journal, then it would clearly be seen that almost all his severe illnesses came after depressing inner experiences.

With the strength of his deep religiousness, Tolstoi invariably strove to use, in the best spiritual sense, all the trials which were given to him as his lot, physical as well as spiritual, and through intense inner labour he generally at the end succeeded in converting all his sufferings, to use his own language, to the joy of fulfilling the will of God.

At the end of 1895, Tolstoi was earnestly occupied with the plot of his drama, The Light that Shines in Darkness; this plot agitated him so that he even dreamed of it and he raved about it in his sleep. This can be easily understood in view of the fact that there are many autobiographic elements in this drama.

And so he wrote in the Journal that he “lived through much,” in reading over, at the request of his wife, his journals for the past seven years.[a7][403]

At the same time, Tolstoi complains several times in his Journal of his general indisposition, of his weakness, and of his lack of energy.

In the course of the three years, from 1896 to 1898, Tolstoi often experienced a fall of spirit, strong attacks of sorrow and torturing agony. The greatest part of his suffering was caused by the lack of understanding of several people near to him, either for his point of view or for his inner life,[a8] and because of the “emptiness of his surrounding life.”[a9]

He even felt “hatred” for himself[a10] and he was burdened by his part in the “unjust, idle, luxurious[a11] life.” But here the thought would come to him that he had to suffer humiliation,[a12] and at times he created supplementary thoughts, which in fun he called “prescriptions” for his spiritual suffering.[a13]